Thursday, April 14, 2011

Mary Poppins meet your match!

Where are my keys?"
"I hear my phone, but I can't see it---keep calling it Bub"
"OW! Ok, something just definitely bit me"

Sayings the Bubs is all too familiar with. There is an ongoing battle between me and the never ending abyss that is the bottom of my purse. I can never find anything. Of course when Bub said "Do you need all that stuff all the time?" and I so defensively say "Uhhh...chyeah! *sigh* you don't get it babe!" kind of like the equivalent of a teenage kid yelling at their parents who just "dont get it".

So I decided to list everything that is in my purse. Right here. Right now. And settle the argument once and for all that I, Leonora Jennifer, "the defendant", do indeed need everything in my purse and that Bub, "the plaintiff", is wrong (but I'm always right, right? Right. Wow, that was a lot of "rights" in one sentence...)

Now in no particular order let the trial begin:
-Cat eye sunglasses (audrey hepburn anybody?)
-heart shapped sunglasses (never know when you're feeling more like "Madonna's material" girl VS. "Audrey hepburn's Breakfast at Tiffany's", they stay)
-excedrin migraine (take THAT evil headache, you stay)
-re-wetting eye drops
-errr feminine thingy-ma-jiggys (yeah, you're definitely staying)
-nose spray
-peto bismal
-band aids (See? Never need to visit your local CVS Pharmacy ever again, just see me, I'll hook you up. it all stays)
-umm more purel
-oh, victoria secret's version of purel (what? dude have you seen those 20/20 specials with the black light in the public bathroom? Nuff said. Defendant has made their case, it stays. All 3 bottles of them)
-flash light (blame Bub, boy has an unhealthy obsession with them. But it'll stay)
-Coach clutch (clearly you guys need a purse INSIDE a purse, right? right. it stays)
-Point-n-shoot camera
-My epic emo glasses for when my contacts decide to just randomly fall out of my eyes, thus causing partial blindness. This is exceptionally stellar while driving btw.
-house keys (should that stay? I could always climb through the window...)
-Ok make that 2 pens (what if one runs out of ink? They stay)
-my iPhone that has not been activated since June 2010 (ok, Plantiff might have a leg to stand on with this one, but defendant says it stays)
-Phone charger (not for the non working iPhone ok guys?)
-Check book
-Flip video camera
-wait, I have 2 thermometers? (what if 2 people are not feeling well at the same exact time and both need medical attention A.S.A frekkin P?? You're gonna thank me when you are one of those 2 ppl. They stay)
-ok found a 3rd pen
-mini hairbrush
-lip scrub
-Inhaler (Bub: you have asthma? Me: No. Bub: *Blank look*. Me: It stays)
-SCORE! just found watch batteries! (TOTAL WIN!)
-ANOTHER SCORE! just found my purse holder (that lil wacky thing that you put on tables to hang your purse on in restaurants)
-Dude this hidden pocket ROCKS found a bracelet I got on christmas day and never to be seen again...till today. You stay.
-Chapstick (my lipgloss be poppin')
-Giftcards with no value (what if value just magically appears? Its like throwing out money. They stay)
-Hershey kisses wrappers? DANG IT BUB! My Purse is not a garbage disposal.

So in conclusion I believe that Leonora, the Defendant, does indeed want need everything in her purse that the Plantiff, Bub, is 100% wrong. I think every person needs 4 pens and 3 bottles of hand sanitizer in their purse at all times. I think he's just jelly that he doesn't have a ballin' purse with all these fantastic things useful goodies inside.


Ok, so I might have won because this is my blog and it would be mega embarrassing if I lost to bub on my own turf. But still, I win. Now where the heck is my cell phone...


  1. hugely entertaining post today woman! loved it! i think your purse's twin resides with me. i have ALLL of that going on in mine too!!!

    have a fab day girl!

  2. You make me laugh! I am also a huge purse with endless contents kind of girl.

    Off to email you in just a few minute :)

  3. Quite possibly the funniest post I've read. The picture was the frosting on the cupcake.


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