Monday, July 11, 2011

New Apartment Criteria

Bubs and I currently live in a basement apartment.

To be honest its just too small for the 2 of us.

So we scoured craigslist in hopes of finding our "temporary dream place"

No exaggeration, about 5 different occasions (over the course of a month and a 1/2) Bub and I will find thee most PERFECT apartment listing. We'll make a date to go see said apartment, only to be told 1 hour before we're about to leave to go see it that "…oh heeeey, uhh the person who came right before ya took it. Sorry"


do you know how discouraging this is?

I think I should tell you bout our current place and then maybe you'll understand the level of discouragement that I feel.

-first off like I said its a basement apartment. We will sleep in till 1 in the afternoon because there is no sunlight in that place. I feel like a bird with a blanket over its cage.

-the insulation? HA! what insulation? I swear the only thing separating us from the people upstairs is toilet paper (and the single ply stuff that you find in park bathrooms)

-upstairs lives a single mom with 2 teenage kids named Rob and Amy (I only know their names because said teenage kids like to have "Jerry Springer-esque" tournaments upstairs where they scream their names at each other.) During the fight you'll hear the mom scream "YOU BROKE THE CHAIR AGAIN"--wait, I'm sorry, you broke the chair AGAIN? There was another occasion when you felt the need to throw your kitchen chair 1/2 way across the apartment at 1 in the afternoon?

...just put the chair DOWN

-Mom finds it necessary to move furniture for the cable man at 5am when her appointment with him is at 11am. No, it's ok, I really didn't want to sleep in on a saturday--I love being woken up to the sound of furniture being scrapped against a hardwood floor at 5am. In fact, I love it so much I request you do this every morning if thats ok with you.

-After moving furniture she then finds the need to vacuum at 7am. I bang on the ceiling hoping she'll "get the hint" but apparently that means "hey lets call the land lord and complain that the people down stairs do not want me to move furniture and vacuum at sunrise". How dare we, our apologies lady upstairs--please carry on.

-We share the driveway. Bub and I park in a little nook off the side of it and she gets the "main" part. Most of the time just her car is there (since she is the only one who has a car), sometimes she'll have 2 cars there. It is MEGA tight to back out when there are 2 cars on her side. Bub asked her to please only have 1 car in the driveway since the 2 cars makes it impossible for us to back out. She again complains to the landlord. Again lady upstairs how dare we want to get in and out of the driveway--you are right, we are totally out of line. To make up for our outlandish request how bout we let you do laundry downstairs at 2am? Oh no, wait, you do that anyway.

So I refuse to settle for anything that doesn't have the following:

-WE get to be the "People upstairs"

-there are 3 bedrooms. One for Bub and I. One for Bub and I's office crizzap, and a spare room for a ball pit. I think every apartment needs a ball pit. Besides it'll give me a chance to hide in it right before Bub comes home from work. Just cause I can.

partay at my crib

-Instead of stairs we're going to have a waterslide. Come on over folks, it's gonna be a good time. Unsure how we're gonna have running water inside a house but we'll figure it out--this is just a minor detail--big picture guys WATER SLIDE.

awww sookie sookie

-I'm unsure how we get back upstairs since we only have waterslide, but again minor detail.

-our walls are made out of the same material as those jump jump houses. I wanna be able to run full force into a wall, body slam into it, and be ricochet into the ball pit.

look, guys, I'm in my living room.

-We will never run out of milk ever again. We will have our own personal cow that pumps our own personal milk. The cow will be name Madame Tulula

waddup Tulula

-We will have our own parking lot with a valet. That way we never have to worry about where to park the car--ever.

what do ya'll think? Wanna swing by?


  1. Woo, party at Leo's! I want to hide in the ball pit too. I'm small so we could probably both fit. If we time it right we can even throw balls at Bubs just as he opens the door. Throwing the balls is allowed, right? I's part of the deal.

  2. I thought I was happy where I lived, but I now see that I will never be content until I have a third bedroom for my ball pit.

  3. the cow is super cute. i want to cuddle it.

    also, i introduced your blog to the hubs tonight and he likes it. he says hi and he thinks you're entertaining. (in a good way of course)!

    good luck on the apt. hunt!


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