Friday, November 16, 2012
The "To-Don't" List
Most people make a list for their goals and dreams.
Well today I am going in the opposite direction. I am making a list of mistakes I have made in the past and will vow never to do ever.again.
So, why the list?
Because, ya know, as time passes you think to yourself "oh hey, my stomach didn't hurt THAT MUCH after having indian food, I'm sure i can give it another go". No, no you can't and never should give it another go. For sake of all humankind don't ever eat indian food ever again (no, really, we all had a meeting, the vote was unanimous, do not eat it)
• Do not cut your hair above your shoulders. It took you 4 years to grow it out, you even bought clip in hair extensions that on occasion would fall out and make passerby's think you are battling some freak disease where you hair falls out in 7" wide mullet clumps. Let's just not do this again, kay?
• Do not eat garlic or peppers. You know why, we do not need to go there right now.
• Do not get straight across bangs. They get stuck in your eye lashes. Side bangs from here on out ONLY. Do you hear me? SIDE BANGS ONLY WOMAN.
• Do not wear 4" heels to a wedding. You never ever make it past cocktail hour in them. You then pull a "wilma flintstone" and are rockin' a cocktail dress barefoot.
• Do not buy fake costume jewelry. They turn your wrists and fingers green. Unless you are part of the avengers leave the green to the HULK.
• Do not put eye liner on your bottom lid. Yeah, you look more fierce than Heidi Klum once you apply it (yeah, I said it, and what?), but the second you blink once it ends up everywhere BUT your bottom lid.
• Stop pulling out those little mascara clumps in the shower. You rip out 4 lashes at a clip each time you do it. I know you think to yourself "no no, this time I will JUST get the clump" you never ever do. Not once.
• Stop trying those little turd balls at christmas. You try chestnuts once a year for the past 10 years and have hated them every time. Let's just move on and accept the fact that chestnuts will not be roasting on your open fire this year.
Awright, heres to not doing any of those things ever again (Disclaimer: while typing this I just ripped out a mascara clump...and 4 lashes. Dang it)
What are some things that would be on your "to-don't" list?
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