Mermaid Tales.

Today's Blog-every-day-in-May prompt is "Most Embarrassing Moment"

crap.

Alright, I'm just gonna let it all hang out, right here right now.

Are you sitting down?

I was in 2nd grade. My teacher was an ex-nun and a total explicative explicative explicative. She was so nasty and old fashion. We all couldn't stand her and could not understand why someone like her even wanted to work with kids.

Anyway, surprise surprise she hated halloween (WHO hates halloween?) so to make sure none of us dressed like a zombie or a little skank she wanted us all to dress like a storybook character instead (yawn) I found a loophole though - Disney made princess picture books. Thinkin' I was all smart and beating the system I decided that I wanted to be Ariel from the little mermaid.

Nasty teacher approved of my choice and my mom rushed to the fabric store to hand sew my costume (in case you were wondering where I get my craft skillz from its from Mama Yellow Heart)

She did an amazing job. The top of my outfit was a nude colored leotard with 2 giant purple fabric shell "boobies" placed over well my boobies. She made a long skinny shimmery purple skirt with fins attached to the bottom.

It was the morning of my halloween party so my mom had done my hair into a bunch of tiny braids the night before. This was so that my hair could be "wavy" once we let them out (plus it was the early 90s and big hair was kinda a thing still)

But we couldn't stop at my hair just being long, big and crimpy, no we ALSO had to shellack it in orange hair paint to get the real true Ariel affect (duh)

So, there I am in all my mermaid glory. My hair is florescent orange, I got on my leotard, my tube skirt is in place. I'm wearing fabric shells on my chest. My mom drops me off at school and I see that none of the other kids are dressed up.

I didn't think much of it since in elementary school all the kids from all the classes file in the hallway until you are ready to go to your own classroom. I had just assumed that the other teacher's were not having their halloween parties that day.

Ok Leonora stay cool, you got this, your hair is crunchy and smells gnarly and you're rocking a fierce shell bra but damn girl you fiiiine.


(Spoiler Alert: I looked like an asshole.)

My classroom was up 2 flights of stairs. Since my skirt was so long and tight I had to waddle my way up, taking each step at a time super slow, also making sure I didn't trip over my fins.

I waddle into the classroom only to see a bunch of T-shirts and jeans.

I panic, scream, cry and "run" to the class bathroom (I use the term "run" loosely since I actually couldn't run, I pathetically teetered tottered my way to the bathroom since I was wearing a FREKKIN MERMAID FIN)

I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for what seemed like hours.

Apparently the school called my mom and had her come down in an attempt to free me from the bathroom after many failed negotiations attempts from Miss. Nasty teacher lady.

My mom comes running in and knocks on the door trying to get me to come out. She slips under the door some clothes for me to change into "ok yeah mom these black pants and purple shirt are REALLY going to hide the fact that my hair is neon orange and is giving off a smell that I am almost positive is known in the state of California to cause cancer"

I finally come out of the bathroom. She tries to make me feel better by saying that Geoffery (one of my friends at the time) brought a Ninja costume to change into that day but didn't wear it there. "Really Ma?! Dude I would give my left leg right now to be dressed like an effing NINJA"

A lot of kids that day did BRING their costumes to school but didnt actually WEAR them. Ya see, Miss. Nasty Pant's letter to the parents stated "Please bring in money for the kid's halloween party on October 27th"

A lot of parent's read that as "ok the party is on the 27th" not "hey we just need your cash money by the 27th"

My mom turned into a huge mama bear and ripped the teacher a new one. I was never more proud of my mom. Get it girl--throw a left hook while you're at it. Ok, maybe no left hook…that's too far and what would Gandhi say?

As for me? I convinced my mom to take me home. It took us 2 days to get my hair back to normal.

You would think that story would totally scar me from doing halloween ever again but I love dressing up so much that I try not to think about "the mermaid incident of '92"



Don't even ask to see a picture, not happening guys. I didn't blossom into my "cute" phase till, well, actually still waiting for that blossoming to happen. If you see it send it my way?