Most people make a list for their goals and dreams.
Well today I am going in the opposite direction. I am making a list of mistakes I have made in the past and will vow never to do ever.again.
So, why the list?
Because, ya know, as time passes you think to yourself "oh hey, my stomach didn't hurt THAT MUCH after having indian food, I'm sure i can give it another go". No, no you can't and never should give it another go. For sake of all humankind don't ever eat indian food ever again (no, really, we all had a meeting, the vote was unanimous, do not eat it)
*ahem*
Dear Leonora:
• Do not cut your hair above your shoulders. It took you 4 years to grow it out, you even bought clip in hair extensions that on occasion would fall out and make passerby's think you are battling some freak disease where you hair falls out in 7" wide mullet clumps. Let's just not do this again, kay?
• Do not eat garlic or peppers. You know why, we do not need to go there right now.
• Do not get straight across bangs. They get stuck in your eye lashes. Side bangs from here on out ONLY. Do you hear me? SIDE BANGS ONLY WOMAN.
• Do not wear 4" heels to a wedding. You never ever make it past cocktail hour in them. You then pull a "wilma flintstone" and are rockin' a cocktail dress barefoot.
• Do not buy fake costume jewelry. They turn your wrists and fingers green. Unless you are part of the avengers leave the green to the HULK.
• Do not put eye liner on your bottom lid. Yeah, you look more fierce than Heidi Klum once you apply it (yeah, I said it, and what?), but the second you blink once it ends up everywhere BUT your bottom lid.
• Stop pulling out those little mascara clumps in the shower. You rip out 4 lashes at a clip each time you do it. I know you think to yourself "no no, this time I will JUST get the clump" you never ever do. Not once.
• Stop trying those little turd balls at christmas. You try chestnuts once a year for the past 10 years and have hated them every time. Let's just move on and accept the fact that chestnuts will not be roasting on your open fire this year.
Awright, heres to not doing any of those things ever again (Disclaimer: while typing this I just ripped out a mascara clump...and 4 lashes. Dang it)
What are some things that would be on your "to-don't" list?
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I love this idea! The haircut thing is always the thing I constantly do. Every time I cut bangs, I remember that I don't like them and I shouldn't have done it.
ReplyDeletehahaha! I am with you on not cutting your hair above the shoulders!! Stupidest thing ever!! :P
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend Leonora!! xo
hahaha - this was ridiculously awesome! makes me love and miss you more - didn't know that was even possible!
ReplyDeleteAs my hair is just about touching my shoulders and is FINALLY almost long enough to pull back, I don't know if I'll cut it this way again. However, everyone says how nice it looks. So...I didn't look nice for like 30 years or so?
ReplyDeleteha, love this! i guess mine would be... "do NOT buy those baby Snickers. you think you can resist them, but you can't." ;)
ReplyDeletehahaha jacky, that was amazing.
Deletemine would be (may or may not have JUST happened):
do not try to multi-task while cooking something on the stovetop. your white chocolate ganache WILL taste like citrus cleaner if you try to clean around that particular burner, no matter how on target you think that squirting is (ew), and you'll have to make another batch.
O_o
mine is so like kim's:
Deletedo not leave the kitchen when you're broiling bread. you'll burn it. end of story.
do not snooze your alarm. you'll end up oversleeping. every.time.
no, you do NOT have time to do "one more thing" before you leave for work. you're going to be late.
do not drink coffee after 6 p.m. you'll be up until 1 a.m. i know you're tired... just suck it up lady.
oh god, I pull out mascara clumps too...it's so bad!
ReplyDeletehaha too funny. I'd say-
ReplyDeleteDo not go to Trader Joe's while hungry. You WILL buy tons of yummy things that you do not need and ruin your grocery budget.
Do not order the beef quesadilla at Taqueria... even though its delicious.. even though every time you promise yourself you wont eat the whole thing and you'll feel fine.. you know full well you'll never not eat the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteDo not think that because your not miserably-full yet you should keep eating.. you hate being miserably full.
Do not try to make a "quick trip" to the craft store - there is no such thing.
Do not get on pinterest or your blog reader right before bed unless you want to go to bed 3 hours later.